ADD and drinking (not what you think)
I've been putting off writing because I thought it would take a long time to write the rest of the Vegas stories and in the meantime, life keeps moving around me.
Not a new scenario for the Eagle.
So here's the remainder of Vegas:
Stole a souvenir doorknob, stayed in the sphincter of the Imperial Palace hotel, learned David Copperfield is a perv, was in a reality TV show, was morbidly scared by George Carlin
OK, done with that.
It's just over a month to the wedding. Spent 3 hours at Michael's buying wedding decorations. I came up with the centerpiece idea, which makes me proud. Which also means we have 14 large glass objects to maneuver and transport without breaking.
And I'm thinking I may have ADD. (Wow, in rereading that, that's a HELLUVA warp 5 subject change; sorry about that. Talk about your ADD) Meg is hoping it's not Early Onset Alzheimer's. As am I. A friend I saw at another friend's wedding takes ADD medication and has similar symptoms. Now, I've always been a complainer about children being diagnosed with ADD because, I would assert, many parents use the drug as an alternative to actually parenting. My (and many other's) opinion.
So somewhat hypocritically I'm looking at my symptoms and wondering if it wouldn't help. Essentially, I don't pay attention. My mind wanders, quickly. Meg will tell me something, several times, and each time I don't remember, even several seconds later. I try to think about something and it takes a great deal of effort, because I just start thinking about other things. Just now I had the thought that the reason I leave out key parts of stories is because I'm not even paying attention to myself as I'm speaking.
I'm not ruling out self-discipline, concentration, being present, developing good habits, writing things down, etc. But if it makes a difference, that'd be great. I have this idea that I could possibly experience a whole different way of thinking, though that could be a bit dramatic. (Jamie dramatic?) If it doesn't do anything for me, I'll drop it.
Found out, though, that the medication is frequently similar if not the same as many anti-depressants. Interesting. Haven't decided how I feel about that.
As long as I don't have Alzheimer's. My grandmother does. Not early onset, but nevertheless.
Second topic...
I don't know if all y'all know, but I had stopped drinking alcohol for over a year and a half, because I had anger issues. I actually scared Megan on more than one occasion, which wasn't acceptable, so I decided to stop drinking until I was not concerned about getting angry again. And I drank for the first time at the bachelor party. That it didn't occur to me to list as one of the Vegas stories is, I say, a good sign. It was uneventful, to say the least. I drank again at my friend's wedding, and again it was uneventful.
One of the biggest things for me was realizing that I would always have to worry about it. I had thought that eventually there would be a time when I wouldn't have to question my drinking. I would get over whatever it was that I needed to get over, then I would be "safe." Then it hit me one day in a conversation that I would always have to be responsible for my drinking. Every time I drink I will have to be responsible for what I'm doing.
That did it. I pretty much knew in that moment I could drink responsibly, without getting angry.
It was actually that simple.
Now, I did do a lot of work with my anger (I would get angry when drunk because I never let myself get angry when sober.) And the need/drive for stimulus from the alcohol (include "other stimulants" in this sentence) has also diminished greatly.
(As a side note, I imbibed something else, which I hadn't done in over a year as well, and discovered with the distance of time that I don't like how stupid and cloudy I get the entire next day. Does a number on the desire to imbibe, for sure.)
So now I drink and imbibe (sort of). But not in the same way. The desire is just gone.
Back to ADD, Meg just started talking to me while I was blogging, I said, "Yeah," and didn't hear a damn thing she said. Annoyed her to no end. Then I couldn't remember something I definitely should know. And got a little scared.
I know I'm being dramatic, but I'm just being honest.
Hello, my mind. Aren't you just full of surprises. Never know what you're going to do/come up with next.
posted by Greatsandini @ 7:25 AM
2 comments
2 Comments:
Is it possible for someone that may or may not have ADD to be too dramatic? We've discussed this before, but really I'd like to restate that you won't know until you get diagnosed. It bears repeating, and maybe you weren't listening anyway.
I've thought for years you have ADD - fits you to a T. Just that most people really don't understand what ADD is about in adults.
ADD has two sides to it: The destracted, scattered, irresponsable side which gets all the press. And the unsurpassed brilliance and ability to move mountains. Most of the great geniuses throughout history were classic ADD. Einstin, Ben Franklin, Eddison, DeVinci - most of the major movers of our history, most of the great shapers of our race. There have been more with their same potential throughout history who could never overcome the downside of ADD and so never realized their potenital. But those who were able to harness the up-side changed the world.
ADD changes the way the mind works - it creates a very different ability to think than most human beings have. It intensifies creativity and the ability to make connections. It gives you super-human powers of concentration and focus (IF the thing you focus on interests you enough to trigger that part of your brain). It allows you to concieve of and acomplish things most peope never could.
I was diagnosed with it about 7 years ago and it was a profound piece of my life. For one thing, those down-sides of ADD which I had been hitting my head against all my life were really hindering me. Once I understood that they weren't just irresponsaility on my part, but a specific way my brain worked, I could work around them (because if you get stuck in "just be a better person" you'll never change it. Its not about you being irresponsable or not being a good person. Its about your brain chemistry. There are solutions if you realize you need to stop looking for them under a Grow-up-and-Take-Responsability-For-Your -Actions headding and start looking in more useful areas.) Changed my ability to respect myself hugely and that opened doors to my improving the areas I was bad at much more than banging my head against a wall or flogging myself had.
Also, Rittilin can be a God-send. With my energy problems, I could never have made it through school if I had waisted my normal amount of energy and time trying to re-focuse every 5 minutes. Taking Rittilin allowed me to rip through reports, books and everything with total clarity I had never experinced before. Now I usually don't take it because I'm not doing a lot of bookwork anymore - but when I need to do the bills or organize the garage, it is invaluable. In fact, I have been thinking it would help me in my riding and training of horses. The focuse powers are phenminal. And no, I don't loose any of my up-side abilities. I am still brilliant :) just able to channel it better.
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