Tuesday, March 28, 2006

March: Statistically a bad month for magic?

Well, apparently I used all of my "magic" vacation, sick and personal days together to take the month of March off. That's what I'm telling myself, anyway. The reality is I just haven't done much, magically speaking.

Oh, I've thought about it. And worried about it. And did some fine, fine planning about it. Sent some emails out about a website. Had some calls with a professional magician friend of mine. Etc. And while I've gotten some stuff done and worked on some other stuff, it hasn't been particularly satisfying or fulfilling.

Here's what I've learned this month:

1) I have a propensity for doing ANYTHING but that which will further what I'm working on:
Sure, researching websites, working on a business plan, and things of that ilk are well and good, but they don't move me forward IMMEDIATELY. And I suffer about it the whole time. (See next entry)

2) I am one neurotic mo' fo':
This whole 2 year thing continues to freak me out; I get upset, I get resigned, I get excited, I get overwhelmed. Repeat.

3) I haven't been enjoying the project, let alone the rest of my life:
If I'm not working on magic, I'm thinking about it. When I am working on magic, it's not enough/the right kind of work/moving fast enough/etc. (See 2) Jamie is neurotic)

Somedays I've been fine, some days I've just wanted to break down and cry. That's where I have been.

Where am I going?

1) I've reduced my current focus to things that I know will make a difference, right now, today, in real type life. They are:
-get a restaurant gig
-get my contact info to agents/bookers/etc.
-work on my magic (develop, rehearse, perform, repeat)
That's it.

2) I'm refusing to panic any more about the 2 year thing. While I am committed to winning the game I am playing, I'm no longer willing to sacrifice my peace of mind for it. Life is too short, I have too great a wife and too fantastic a group of friends to not enjoy it while I'm here.

Sanity has returned.

For now.

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