Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Wedded Transformation

I haven't found exactly the words I want to use to express what I experienced at Meg's and my wedding, but we're leaving for our honeymoon tomorrow and I want to share what I've experienced so far. Know that what you read is straight from my heart.

In leading up the wedding, I was most excited about the change. I had heard from numerous people how the ceremony fundamentally altered their relationship with their partner. That seemed obvious to me. In my world, these vows alter reality. They have to. Honestly, though, that was heresay, technically. For me, up until October 9th, marriage was a mystery, filled with the unknown, and something I've never done before, so I had no idea what the experience would be like, in reality.

So far, it's been subtle, thorough, peaceful, wonderful, eye opening, magical, expanding...

It actually started on the Friday before the wedding, much to my surprise, and continued through the weekend. Shifting, moving, sliding, rearranging. Molecules relocated. It's been fascinating and fantastic.

And the peace has been beautiful. What's interesting about it is that, while Meg and my interactions are mostly of the same style and manner, there has been a peacefulness for me in the background. Something is complete and whole. A finishing. But not an ending. It's wonderful.
The other thing to share is my experience of family, on a couple of levels. First, the obvious one: my literal family has probably quadrupled in size. With marriages and such, I now have 7 cousins instead of 2. I have 10 plus aunts and uncles instead of 4.

And now I have brothers and sisters. : )

I just hadn't thought about this part, but it's wonderful. And it's real in a very delicious way.

Real. That brings me to the other increase in family. Expressed in the love present. My family, our family, based on love, which includes both genes shared and not, was present in the most profound way I could ever have dreamed of this weekend. Multiple connections/friendships/partnerships/bonds all solidified into a reality I had not experienced prior to the wedding. I have NEVER felt so beloved, enfolded, cherished, upheld and honored. To whatever extent I had the experience of there being a Megan community and a Jamie community, separate from each other, it vanished. I was left whole, complete and loved. With nothing missing and nothing left wanting. I could have floated in that space forever.

It was perfect.

So not only was a whole new relationship forged between Megan and I, but it feels like a new relationship was formed with all of our loved ones as well. What's amazing about that is that in both instances, there was already a pre-existing relationship, one that was ALREADY wonderful and extraordinary. But in the crucible of the ceremony, of the weekend, something was fundamentally altered for me in relationship to every single person in attendance. All became simplified. Concerns about acceptance vanished. Friendships deepened. Frustrations and annoyances faded. Awkward or uncomfortable relationships became simple links between human beings out to celebrate all that is glorious and beautiful in love and marriage.

The people in my life are still the people in my life, just as they were before, but now love is the overriding variable and trumps anything else. It may sound cheesy, but it's true. And as I think about it, why wouldn't I want to have love be the context for the relationships in my life, even when I'm frustrated or sad?

It has been the single most extraordinary experience of my life.

Thank you all for that. And know I am speaking directly to you.

It was an absolute privilege to be at the heart of the community as we created what we created. My life is fundamentally different since my wedding, and I love it.