Sinnin' ain't all that bad!

Regarding the Designated Daily Duties, I didn't even make it through the weekend. I did poop scoop, but didn't organize my daily thoughts or eliminate 5 things each day. What happened was I said to myself, "I don't have to eliminate stuff on weekends; it's the weekend!"

And I listened to myself. Forgetting that not all I say to myself is necessarily worth listening to.

I then let that internal monologue expand to include not writing down my notes (Saying to self, "I'm "off" because it's the weekend.")

Now I've learned the key is to not give up, just because I missed a couple of days. Honestly, I could even change it up a bit. I could change the rules to not include the weekend! They are my rules. But it would only work if I changed them intentionally, not because it's Saturday and I don't feel like it.

But the most important thing is to not stop. I always seem to stop, feeling like the problem is I started without enough gas. (I like that analogy, though, because instead of stopping, I can metaphorically get more gas and keep going. )

The other thing it reminds me of is the origin of the word "sin," which is a roman word for when an archer missed his mark. Just missed the mark, that's all. A friend once said the most important thing to do when you've fallen off the figurative wagon is to take one action that puts you in motion, in the right direction again. On course, towards the target.

So I got back on that wagon on Monday and Tuesday.

Missed yesterday. It was my birthday. My brain said it's a valid exception and in this case, I whole heartedly agree.

For the record, though, I HAVE poop scooped every day. That's the thing I do to stay in the
game. If nothing else, I'll get cat shit out of the box.

Hey, it's something.

To know thyself

Since saying I would do the following every day...

1) poop scoop
2) eliminate 5 things I don't need
3) organize and schedule the thoughts, ideas and things I need to remember that I jotted down that day

...I have successfully done so.

That's 3 whole days in a row.

What's interesting is that even after 3 days I feel different. Those 3 things are starting to shift from "unimportant" things I can do "later" or "tomorrow" to things that I just do. There is no debate in my head about whether or not I will poop scoop today, not because I suddenly want to, but because I'm just no longer giving myself the option to not do it.

It's similar to what happened when I quit smoking. I went back and forth, trying to quit and then failing, until I realized that the temptation/desire/impulse to have a cigarette was nothing more than a thought in my mind and that I could just ignore it.

So I ignore the thoughts: "The cat box isn't THAT dirty" and "It's no big deal if I just get rid of 4 things today; I'll do 6 tomorrow" and "I don't want to retype my stupid notes. I wanna relax!"

And I know that, in a way, 3 days is easy compared to a month, a year or a lifetime. I've gone 3 days before on a number of things.

But it's getting easier. And I'm beginning to know myself as a person who does what he promises to himself that he will do. Which is very fulfilling and satisfying.

Now, what am I going to add to the list?...

The still as yet unnamed project...

My stepdad (hereafter named Cohiba) suggested another name for the 2 Year Project:

The Magical Mystery Tour...or M2T for short.

So far we have:

-Wiz or Get Off the Pot
-Do Or Die
-The Magical Mystery Tour...or M2T for short

I'm still taking nominations...

Action items

Lunas came up with a fantastic idea, which I'm doing TONIGHT. I'm uninstalling all games from my computer, from my Blackjack Simulator down to the old standbys, Free Cell and Mine Sweeper. Because I know that I will latch on to ANYTHING to distract myself. I plan to extend this to my entire workspace, but I'm starting with the games. I gotta start small or I won't do anything.

Which is the 2nd action item: Each night pick one to several items to work on for at least 15 minutes a pop. Not all magic, necessarily. And 15 minutes may not seem like much, but it's just to start movement. Inertia is a bitch, but as my ol' buddy Goethe said:

"Anything you can do, or dream you can do, begin it.
Boldness has genius, power and magic in it."

and

"When you move, providence moves with you."

Even if you're just moving 15 minutes at a time.



P.S. Lazlo just pointed out physics backs me up on this one:
"An object in motion tends to stay in motion."

The lessons continue...

I'm loving the 2 year project, if that's not obvious. And because I'm actually taking it on, rather than just talking about it, a lot of issues are coming up for me to deal with. Which is good because this is stuff I have to conquer if I'm actually going to find success. Here's two of the things I've realized in the last few days.

First, I'm working on a project at work with very little structure and direction. I'm constantly distracted and it's hard to stay on task.

Which is exactly what happens with my magic. I go to work on it and think, "I'll just watch a bit of the Daily Show" or "Just a bit of computer blackjack and I'll get to work."

The difference is, I'm interested in my magic, while the world of the 1099 and the IRS doesn't do anything for me. But I'm coming to see, if I don't have a clear picture of what I'm doing, I'm more easily distracted than a retriever in a field of sticks that throw themselves.

Or something like that.

Lesson 1: Have a clear picture of where I'm going.

Second, I noticed a specific difference between how my life occurs now as opposed to how it occurred on the honeymoon and just prior to the wedding. Specifically, I wasn't doing anything on the honeymoon or just prior to the wedding except for being on the honeymoon and planning the wedding. For the most part, those were the things I was working on. No big distractions. And it was fantastic. I was happy and in love and really enjoying my life.

Now, there are lots of distractions. And that experience I had before isn't quite as consistent. What I realized is that previously I wasn't so much being "on the honeymoon" or "planning the wedding," as much as I was being present and living the life I'm in.

Distractions, per their name, can put me in my head and take me away from what's happening around me. But the experience of the time on the honeymoon and prior to the wedding is something valuable to me, that I don't want to lose.

Lesson 2: Don't use my many interests to take me out of my life, but to further bring me into it. LIVE what I'm doing. AND make an effort to be in my life as it is. Very zen, but an easier talk to talk, than walk to walk.

Momentum begins

Well, apparently the as yet unnamed 2 year plan (Possibly "Wiz or Get off the pot!" -Swinger) is already working. It started with Caro mentioning putting something together at her gallery.

SIDE NOTE: One of her ideas is to have 52 people dressed as playing cards, running around the lot across the street, then to have a random passerby name a card, and then prove (somehow) I knew the passerby would pick that card/person. (I love the way artists think)

Now the 2 year plan (Possibly "Do or Die!" -Lazlo) has accelerated with a possible gig with the Baha'i. Specifically I may be doing an end of the year (Baha'i year) party in February. What's more is that the person who approached me asked my what I "usually charge for a 40 minute show." I spit out a number somewhere between what the big guys make and zero, but far enough from zero that I was nervous saying it out loud. It was a bit of a bluff. (I was already bluffing in the sense that I didn't dispute her use of the word "ususally" to describe the frequency of my stage performances.)

And she didn't flinch at the price!

Now, she immediately followed by asking if I was negotiable, BUT she thought that my asking price was reasonable.

Now I just have to get my act together.

So to speak...

New direction

We've had quite an intense direction change of late, Lunas and I, in the world of domicile. What that means is that Chivas and Lunas visited the NEW condo in the middle of construction. As was my experience when viewing it with mis padres, they thought it was a bit small. I did a little rough math and discovered, much to our surprise, that it IS in fact smaller than our current place. Combine that with NOT WANTING TO MOVE AGAIN, it's not as nice a place, it's overpriced and we just want to friggin' unpack, and you get two very happily not moving newlyweds.

Part of that decision also involved a comment by my wife, who said that it was silly to spend a big chunk of the free time I'm going to have during the 2 year "Make It Or Break It" period I'm pursuing magic as a career on a part time job.

Bottom line is, the starter gun has gone off, and I am officially, curtains parting, ribbon being cut with a giant, oversized pair of scissors...

...pursuing work as a professional magician!

(INSERT FANFARE)

And I immediately got anxious, concerned, worried and resigned about the whole thing. (My previous blog is a good example.) But, and this is where the title of the blog actually comes into play, I'm going to use my blog to share what that process involves, includes, etc. I figure, what's predictable is I'll just stew in my own crap about the whole thing. So instead, I'll deal with it, share about it, talk about the highs and lows, all of which I am certain will give me a much better chance of success.

So there you go.

All of this went down on Sunday, 2 days ago, and I already have much to blog about, which I will.
Just not now. : )

PS I want to come up with an inspiring, entertaining, lighthearted name for this 2 year period, OTHER than "Make It Or Break It," and I'm taking suggestions...