Let's build a barn! I gots the wood and Billy has the paint!

I don't know if the title communicates, but it's a reference to a classic scene from a Mickey Rooney flick (I don't remember which one) when the community gets inspired to build a barn and suddenly there's no stopping them; the resources they need are all in various people's backyards, and, come hell or high water, there's a BARN gonna be raised!

That's Cianfrani, to a T.

Thanks to Michael for putting on the benefit, for taking on anything he gets his mind set on, and for having one of those things he takes on (OK, many of those things) be about making an actual, appreciable difference in the world.

And kudos to the performers, the location and those who donated. Thanks for being willing, without question or hesitation, to just come play and contribute.

Last night reminded me that, in reality, most things that people want to take on, but don't, because it appears too arduous/difficult/impossible/time consuming, aren't in actuality arduous/difficult/impossible/time consuming at all. We just talk ourselves out of things because, well, that's what we do.

And we do it more than we realize. We constantly talk ourselves out of doing things.

We talk ourselves out of big dreams and little ones, out of taking care of ourselves and being uncomfortable. We convince ourselves it doesn't matter and that, really, it's fine the way it is.

And it is fine the way it is. It really is. It's just useful to remember that what we tell ourselves when we're "talking out of" isn't the truth. WAY more is possible than we can even imagine.

Not that we have to follow every dream, or push ourselves 24/7. I just think it's good to keep in mind that all the crap we feed ourselves, in order to be safe and comfortable, is still crap. Not what decisions should be made on. If I want to do something, I should do it. If not, don't. Wisdom as old as Yoda.

Sorry to rant. It just sort of fell out of my fingers.

I tell you one thing, though.

We built ourselves a barn.

The smell of yesteryear

I just used a manual pencil sharpener for the first time in a LONG time. Brought back some serious memories. I remembered the importance of technique to insure a fine point (lighten up on the pressure towards the end of the sharpening). And I remembered the SMELL. Wow. I forgot the clear, pungent aroma of a sharpened pencil.

Almost as sweet as reminiscing about buying school supplies at the beginning of the school year.

And yes, behold the technology of where I work.

Tonight is your night, bro!

I think the title speaks to a number of folks this evening, for several different reasons and in several different contexts. Right off the bat, it speaks to me, as I'm a bit nervous, not having performed as "The Magician" for several years, never having performed in Chicago, and could use the encouragement.

But more importantly, it speaks to our community of friends. There is a close knit-ness amongst the crew that I, as a latecomer, know is distinct from other groups of friends (though "Friends" is similar). It comes from an interest in supporting each other. I mean, how many communities are there where one friend starts a non-profit organization that then puts on a benefit for another friend, where several other friends perform, for free, at the benefit. It's not like it's giving up a kidney or anything, but it's indicative of something. A testament to something. Something I appreciate about my friends here in Chicago.

It really is our night. Bro.

(And tonight, remember to ask to see me do "something new.")

I'll see you there.

P.S. Without looking it up on the web, anyone know where the title of this blog came from?

Up and out

Life appears to be an annoying blur as of late, one that I'm resisting quite a bit of the time. I was reminded of this last night as I was listening to a friend of mine speak about being in love with his life. I thought, "Now that's a damn fine idea. I should do that!" And I, again, felt guilty about not appreciating what an extraordinary life I have. I mean, look, I'm marrying this amazing, extraordinary, fabulous, surprising woman, who wants to actually marry ME. For our honeymoon we are taking a YEAR long trip AROUND THE WORLD. And to top if off we're buying an amazing condo, pre-construction, that we got to pick aspects of; that's right, it's a customized home. That's COOL.

Mostly, I think, life is a blur because I'm not paying attention. I'm looking in and down at the minutia of what there is to do and handle, rather than up and out at the swirl of life around me. It reminds me of the moment in Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, when the student breaks through writer's block only after trying to write about, not her home town, not the main street, not city hall, not even the facade of the building, but a single brick in one corner of one wall.

And there's lots to notice, if I just open my eyes. Step outside and look around. Get out of the damn house. I had a reminder of this last Friday night.

We were hanging out with a coworker of mine who happens to be a magician. This, in and of itself, thrills me to no end. Another magic geek to bond with. In any case, we were in the square at 10ish PM, after the guitar guy with his tip jar had stopped playing, but hadn't cleaned up his stuff yet. He's still there, though, with family and kids, relaxing off to the side.

There are two little girls in the group, one maybe 5, the other 8 or 9, and they are playing with the microphone, which is live. The microphone is taller than the 5 year old, so she has to stand on tip toes to speak into it, angling it down and cupping it in her tiny hands. For some time they take turns singing a word or two of songs before running off and giggling, but then the 5 year old drums up the courage to sing.

Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.

Brilliant. The crowd went wild.

So she sung it again. And for the encore, sang the Alphabet Song. (You know, "A,B,C,D...")

Then, and this is the crystallized moment in time, she, in the tradition of generations of lounge singers, says, "Is it anybody's birthday?" To which my friend, David the magician, and praise and bless his heart for doing so, says, "I have a birthday." And the little girl takes this in, and pauses. And he adds, "And my name is David. That might be useful to know for the song."

And she sings "Happy Birthday." Beautifully. Including David's name. Then she goes:

"Anyone else have a birthday?"

A moment in time. Thank god we left the house.

Ah, there it is...

Here's what I just (re)learned. If you find yourself overspending, or even potentially overspending, do an honest, complete budget. And then look at it. Part of the nature of a budget is that it will tell you exactly what you have (which is also what you don't have), what you will have as time goes by and what will be left at any point along the way. If it's done right, there's no mystery.

I miss the mystery.

But, hey, at least my spending has screeched to a halt.

Duh...

I've got blogger's block. So I redecorated.

Lord help me, I even messed with the code.

You like what I've done with the place?

Again? Really?

Something shifted. I'm irritated that people have not updated their blogs today. (I know, the hypocrisy in that last statement should crash my computer) Part of it is that my job is less than riveting, so my attention wanders. But really, I think I'm really starting to appreciate having the opportunity to listen to what goes on in people's heads.

I took a Landmark course once where we talked about how we as human beings access the eternal (could be God, beauty, nature, whatever), and intriguingly, how the eternal accesses us. One thing I got from the conversation was how moved I am by truth. I don't mean Truth, as in the answer (after all, we all know it's 42.) I mean truth as in what's really, truly there for people. In their hearts, unedited.

It's the real I'm talking about.

And blogs are real. At least the 4 that I read are.

Not that talking about the weather and movies is bad. And I don't think I'd want to talk and hear real, 24x7. But the way the world moves and time does it's flying thing and how with all my good intentions, I still watch too much TV and don't talk to people as much as I'd like, I'm grateful that I can still hear the hearts of those I love.

Excuse me, I've gotta go see if y'all updated your blogs yet.

Coming out of retirement

So I'm performing magic publicly for the first time in about 4 years. At the Hilesh Patel Benefit. Essentially, it's a professional performance, just without getting paid. In that time I've not added a single new effect to my repertoire. I've practiced several new items for YEARS, and, of course, bought a number of books, videos and new tricks. I've even tried a couple of them, once or twice, for real people. But whenever I have the opportunity, at work or with friends, to perform, I do the same stuff, the stuff I've done for YEARS. The stuff that is fun, but frankly, on a certain level, bores me to tears. But I don't have anything new that I've worked through completely, that I've done all the work to make ready. I just practice for fun, but not with any intention of performing, for the public, with all the bugs worked out.

However. The time has come.

3 weeks to showtime and I'll be ready.

So when you see me at the benefit, doing my magic thang, be sure to ask for something new.

Help me break the habit.