ADD and drinking (not what you think)

I've been putting off writing because I thought it would take a long time to write the rest of the Vegas stories and in the meantime, life keeps moving around me.

Not a new scenario for the Eagle.

So here's the remainder of Vegas:

Stole a souvenir doorknob, stayed in the sphincter of the Imperial Palace hotel, learned David Copperfield is a perv, was in a reality TV show, was morbidly scared by George Carlin

OK, done with that.

It's just over a month to the wedding. Spent 3 hours at Michael's buying wedding decorations. I came up with the centerpiece idea, which makes me proud. Which also means we have 14 large glass objects to maneuver and transport without breaking.

And I'm thinking I may have ADD. (Wow, in rereading that, that's a HELLUVA warp 5 subject change; sorry about that. Talk about your ADD) Meg is hoping it's not Early Onset Alzheimer's. As am I. A friend I saw at another friend's wedding takes ADD medication and has similar symptoms. Now, I've always been a complainer about children being diagnosed with ADD because, I would assert, many parents use the drug as an alternative to actually parenting. My (and many other's) opinion.

So somewhat hypocritically I'm looking at my symptoms and wondering if it wouldn't help. Essentially, I don't pay attention. My mind wanders, quickly. Meg will tell me something, several times, and each time I don't remember, even several seconds later. I try to think about something and it takes a great deal of effort, because I just start thinking about other things. Just now I had the thought that the reason I leave out key parts of stories is because I'm not even paying attention to myself as I'm speaking.

I'm not ruling out self-discipline, concentration, being present, developing good habits, writing things down, etc. But if it makes a difference, that'd be great. I have this idea that I could possibly experience a whole different way of thinking, though that could be a bit dramatic. (Jamie dramatic?) If it doesn't do anything for me, I'll drop it.

Found out, though, that the medication is frequently similar if not the same as many anti-depressants. Interesting. Haven't decided how I feel about that.

As long as I don't have Alzheimer's. My grandmother does. Not early onset, but nevertheless.

Second topic...

I don't know if all y'all know, but I had stopped drinking alcohol for over a year and a half, because I had anger issues. I actually scared Megan on more than one occasion, which wasn't acceptable, so I decided to stop drinking until I was not concerned about getting angry again. And I drank for the first time at the bachelor party. That it didn't occur to me to list as one of the Vegas stories is, I say, a good sign. It was uneventful, to say the least. I drank again at my friend's wedding, and again it was uneventful.

One of the biggest things for me was realizing that I would always have to worry about it. I had thought that eventually there would be a time when I wouldn't have to question my drinking. I would get over whatever it was that I needed to get over, then I would be "safe." Then it hit me one day in a conversation that I would always have to be responsible for my drinking. Every time I drink I will have to be responsible for what I'm doing.

That did it. I pretty much knew in that moment I could drink responsibly, without getting angry.

It was actually that simple.

Now, I did do a lot of work with my anger (I would get angry when drunk because I never let myself get angry when sober.) And the need/drive for stimulus from the alcohol (include "other stimulants" in this sentence) has also diminished greatly.

(As a side note, I imbibed something else, which I hadn't done in over a year as well, and discovered with the distance of time that I don't like how stupid and cloudy I get the entire next day. Does a number on the desire to imbibe, for sure.)

So now I drink and imbibe (sort of). But not in the same way. The desire is just gone.

Back to ADD, Meg just started talking to me while I was blogging, I said, "Yeah," and didn't hear a damn thing she said. Annoyed her to no end. Then I couldn't remember something I definitely should know. And got a little scared.

I know I'm being dramatic, but I'm just being honest.

Hello, my mind. Aren't you just full of surprises. Never know what you're going to do/come up with next.

What happens in Vegas, gets blogged about

Many have shared, but for posterity's sake, a few more anecdotes from Vegas...

First off, it was a GREAT bachelor's party. In fact, it was perfect. In talking with the Best Woman about how the weekend should go, while I didn't want strippers or lap dancers, I did want beautiful women to flirt with me. I just knew I would enjoy it more. Now, I had no idea how one would PLAN to have beautiful women flirt with one, but I figured I'd just put it out there. It couldn't hurt.

Turns out they have them for hire.

They're called hostesses. (Get your mind out of the gutter!)

You know, the folks who manage clubs and take care of the big spenders. Hostesses. And we had a fantastic one named Nicole.

It's the ultimate way to do Vegas.

What happened was on Saturday we got dressed up and went downstairs where, get this, not a limo, but a party BUS was waiting. Not full size, but still. A party bus. This thing wasn't a converted airport shuttle like most party buses (according to the driver), but a from-the-ground-up design. Ferrari leather seats, ice chests, stripper pole (sans stripper), $20K sound system; the whole 9 yards. AMAZING. This isn't the one I had, but it gives you a sense.

One of the highlights of the party bus part of the adventure was when, while at a stoplight, the driver yelled, "Bachelor, come!" I came to the front and he told me that, for some reason, he had a bra his daughter needed (At home he has a wife, 4 daughters and 2 dogs, both female; I figured, sure, it's possible he's got a bra for his daughter here with him on the Party Bus.) He told me I was to give it to her. Using my mouth. I automatically reached for it with my hand and he yelled "With your mouth!" in the style of every movie drill seargeant you've ever seen. So, I grabbed said bra in said mouth, got out, mumbled a greeting to the ladies in the car the next lane over (yep, in the middle of traffic), where I handed (OK, mouthed) the bra to a lovely blonde in the passenger's seat. Mouth to mouth, with bra between. My kind of CPR.

So I got back in the bus and remarked to the driver that he seemed quite, um, laid back for a father, to which he replied. "Nah, that wasn't my daughter. That was the stripper who danced in the bus last night. That was her bra she left on the floor."

Apparently the Eagle will believe anything.

I even believed our lovely waitress who claimed it was her birthday, was saving up for a video camera and promised to meet us after her shift so we could buy her drinks. (I thought it fit in perfectly with the "have cute girls flirt with me" plan) Of course, she didn't show up. However, while she was working, she did bring us shots, to the blackjack table, for free. Which is something I've NEVER seen before in Vegas. Which is cool.

I do have a few more Vegas bits, but I'll spread them out over the next few days...

Where the &*%^$ have you been!

My, it's been a long time. I don't know if my readership (Hello, Mr.Ego), well, really, if my readership still stops by to read, but we'll presume there are folks who still check for updates, if only out of stubborn hope that I'll blog again. (Hi, Megan!)

As any who follow Lunas' blog, there have been a number of craziness inducing variables showing up in our lives, specifically her health. As such, our whirlwind worldwide tour is a bit up in the air. It's been interesting because we've constantly had to reevaluate priorities and what we're up to, both in our relationship and in our lives.

Being in the condo, being able to relax, enjoy and treasure our first days and months of marriage, pursuing the interests I've claimed to have, but that no one has seen evidence of; these are all opportunities I'm excited about.

But it's a bit confronting. One of the things I've been dealing with, coming up on getting married, is facing up to some of the grandiose visions I've had in my life, that I've not yet fulfilled on. Being a professional magician, writing comedy, doing improv again, practicing aikido; I have a monstrous, overwhelming, dominating picture of how these things in my life SHOULD look, but don't.

I SHOULD have an hour long comedy magic show with a regular restaurant walk-around gig that steadily feeds me show leads that hire me. I SHOULD have a black belt in aikido and be teaching students. I SHOULD have LOADS more comedy material. I SHOULD have completed the curriculum at both Second City and Improvolympic.

I should have a clean apartment. I should have cleaned up my past 2 email accounts, and my old computer. I should be in regular communication with friends near and far.

SHOULD: be a better fiance, be a more financially secure adult, be more experienced and better paid as an employee.

I didn't realize until recently the extent to which I cower in front of my shoulds, shut down and just watch TV.

Thankfully, I realized something quite fabulous in a conversation with my best woman, Chris. I realized I might not be up to these visions. I might not be interested in the work it takes to do all these things, or even one of these things, to the extent my vision describes.

Not like a giving up or surrender, but like a possibility. Instead of struggling under the yoke of these ideas, feeling guilty about the lack of effort I'm putting in, I could actually just participate in my life, at exactly the level I'm at, dealing with what's right in front of me. That could unfold into a match for the vision. Or not. But it would be what I want to do.

Which is a novel thought for me. What I want to do. I started asking myself that recently. And instead of answering out of habit, I actually looked to see what that might be.

It's quite nice. And some of the answers have been surprising, while others are as they have been. But I know they are honest answers, which is a change of pace.

The best part is the enthusiasm and excitement I'm feeling about getting married. It feels like I'm getting married now, not in 2 months. It feels real and like it's happening now. (Which, of course, it is.)

Which brings me to the last thing I'm excited about (I also had a vision of what the wedding should look like, but isn't shaping up to be, which totally traumatized me):

I'm thrilled to be getting married.

I so love Megan. With all of our variables changing and moving, I'm just so happy to have her in my life. To kiss her hello when I get home from work. To watch her fall asleep on the couch. To play and to plan and to be with. I've never had someone who was, in my world, "by my side." Not like I've been a melancholy loner, pining away. Much. ; ) But to just know, in your gut, you've got a partner. They're it and that's how it should be.

Ahhhhh. . .I feel much better now.